SOCIAL PRESSURES AND RESPONSIBILITIES DURING YOUNG ADULTHOOD
MARRIAGE
Americans like to get married, even though there is less social pressure to get married today than there was in our grandparents’ generation. One reason for this is that there is less of a social stigma on single motherhood. Many women are choosing to have children without being married. Another reason is that many women no longer have to depend on marriage for financial security and can be self-sufficient.
Marriage is public recognition of the commitment that two people make to one another. It is also a legal contract. It is important to be very careful about whom we marry, when we marry, or if we marry. Marriage is not for everyone. Some people may not be socially or emotionally mature enough to get married.
How do we know when we are ready for marriage? Thinking about the following issues might help us to make a good decision:
Age.
How old we are when we marry can be a good indicator of how successful the marriage will be. Usually, the older we are, the better. Three out of four teenage marriages fail.
Autonomy.
Being economically independent and capable of managing one’s own life is also important for successful marriage. Both partners should be able to set their own goals and be able to achieve them.
Emotional maturity. Being able to satisfy our own emotional needs without exploiting anyone else increases the chances of having a good marriage.
Social maturity. Being socially experienced through interactions such as dating, leading an independent single life before marriage, and managing financial affairs are essential to establishing equality between married partners.
Flexibility.
Successful marriages require compromise. We must try to meet our partners halfway because no two people are exactly alike in tastes, needs, and desires, and we have to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.
Personality traits.
It is helpful if both personalities are similar and if basic moral and religious values are held in common.
Mutuality.
It is important that a marriage fulfill the needs of both partners. If it is one-sided, it will cause tension and frustrations.
Power balance.
How power is used and shared may determine the long-term outcome of a relationship.
Communication.
It is essential that we be able to talk about anything with our partners.
Agreement about parenthood. Both partners must have similar feelings about whether or not children are wanted. It is also important to agree about how many children are wanted.
Marriage itself will not make everything fall into place for us. Like any other new relationship, there are adjustments that take place within a marriage. Not only do we need to adjust to one another, but we also have to adjust to our friends and families. Being married gives us a new social identity and we may find ourselves interacting differently with friends and family.
Another important change involves money. When two people marry, they are viewed as a single economic unit by the state. This means learning how to manage the family income, budgeting, and paying taxes. Not everyone spends and saves money the same way. Many couples experience conflict and anxiety over money. Learning how to compromise and communicate about financial issues is very important. It is healthier if both partners have input into financial decisions—regardless of who is earning the money.
Perhaps the biggest change has to do with our sexuality and how we express it. Once again, open and honest communication can ease this transition and help each partner to learn how to enjoy an intimate, mutually satisfying sexual relationship. Decisions have to be made about:
• how often to have sex
• when to have sex
• choice of sexual activities
• amount of nonsexual attention we give to one another
It is also important that each partner have the right to say no to sex without fear of consequences. All of us have times when we need to do this. Discussing your feelings about it helps your partner understand the situation. Nonverbal rejection can cause your partner unnecessary worry about the relationship. We all have our own preferences. Learning our partners’ preferences and trying to compromise can be difficult, but a mutually satisfying sex life is a wonderful reward!
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